Different Opinions

Hello All, 
Lots of things have been going on these past few weeks but one thing that has come up over and over again is the fact that I am not in school this semester. Ha, man I don't even know if I am going to go back. At this rate and the amount of money I have saved I might as well wait till next semester (or never go back?) This has been on my mind a lot these past few days... I have also been thinking about how people react when I tell them that I might not go back. Even though they respond politely with some quip or other I can see it in their eyes "What is she THINKING!?" ( I think that myself sometimes!) But I know school isn't for me right now. I have already done too much! I know that there is NO WAY I could of accomplished all this if I wasn't off, like I said I just don't really see the value of going right now. I guess the reason that I am writing about this is well, I just don't like being judged. Plain and simple, I know of one person in particular whom I know will not agree with me and my decision. WELL, this is where the rubber meets the road buddy! I remember someone saying that I would have their support. Even my mom has made comments like "Well since you dropped out of college, insurance is going to drop you... etc." I know she doesn't mean to be rough or anything but it still makes me feel like a burden. When I was in college I felt even MORE so, my dad knew I couldn't pay all the bill's myself so he helped out. (My daddy worked his butt off to get me to go the first semester.) It's not that I am not grateful, I just can't find a reason (that satisfies me) to go. And I feel I have "Half As 'ed "enough. I know people will call me lazy or pathetic or whatever but I don't want to waste my life chasing some stupid degree and paying through the nose to get a piece of paper that basically says "Good Job. You now know how to take directions and follow them really well!".  Sigh, I just need to figure what that something is. Right now I would just be happy to learn how to quilt, sew, and spin yarn well. I guess I fail at being a Feminist! HAHAHA! :D

More to follow.

Growing up.

 I have been looking at my old post and it's been interesting to see the ways I have been growing and maturing (Shocking I KNOW!) well I am still quite silly and all that but I think I will keep learning until the day I die. Anyone who thinks the have "arrived" have a ways to go. I try to understand what I want to gain from my day to day experience, and remembering how what I do every day will affect others whether it be good or bad. (thanks Karen for showing us that!)  :D It is great when believers can come together and pursue the same goal, I for one am encouraged and thankful that I have like minded sisters and brothers that help me stay "on track" I really don't know where I would be without them! So many decisions that I have made and continue to make is because they are there to support and understand what I am going through. 

 This past week end has been so edifying! I have learned so much. First,we went to a Purity Conference held by Sarah Mally. We got there a few hours before it was supposed to start. My sisters were not really thrilled at the prospect of going *skirts (long ones at that), purity speeches, and working on home-work that was left over from the past week didn't seem like a awesome way to spend the weekend* :P But the said aftrewards they were happy they came! Still, I think visits with the local saints helped break up the "monotony". It was great getting to spend time and talk about what has been going on in one another's lives since we last spent time together and it struck me how easy it was to just kinnda "pick up where we left off" and how truly comfotable it was sitting around and talking about our childhood memories and mishaps! :P  I guess you can say I am going through "fellowship withdrawals" *Sigh* I just wish that we would all live closer and be able to see one another more often.

A lesson learned

I have been thinking a lot about what I want from life. Before I thought it was a career that I could throw myself into until Prince Charming came along start a family then go on from there. Hehe well funny how life goes and changes your plans on ya! I have decided that the traditional way of doing things is what works best for me and I don't need to be apologetic for it. I will go do Grace School of the Bible be a missionary and perhaps go on to learn how to translate English to Spanish and use that for what ever it is needed for. I also realized that I was using school as a distraction and hiding from some nagging questions that I didn't want to face. Well I am still working through some of them but I feel so much better! I am equipped to handle them and I can decide what to do sanely instead of having a million things push and pull at me vying for my attention. I feel clear headed and able for once. It is nice. :)  Now I am thinking about my plans for this year and the goals I want to accomplish, I am truly grateful for this time in my life it's exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Last year I was asking myself what I wanted to do in life and losing sleep over the fact  that I didn't know. In some ways I am still asking the same questions but now I know where to find the Answer. I am still finding out how to "do" this and am on this crazy journey called Life but I wouldn't have it any other way. :D

On and on we go.

I am in love with this time of year. Or maybe it's because the fall is coming? Whatever the reason, I am enjoying the time I have had to really sit back and enjoy the life I have been given. Maybe it's because I have a foot out of commission and have to take breaks but all in all it has been a good week. :) Today I was able to shuffle around in the garden with my Momma. I forget how I can be happiest outside with the grass under my feet, the sun shining in my hair and the beautiful sky overhead. I think that everyone needs to be reminded that it's the simple things that matter most. Whether it is digging around in a garden, or walking in the moonlight, sharing a great meal, or having someone say they love you; that is was matters. Not the big paycheck, or the best car, or the biggest house. Be happy where you are, or you will never be happy.

XO

Changes

As I wrote previously I was mostly complaining... One of the things I hate most about myself is that I can be negative sometimes without even realizing it. Anyways I have been working on that and I am happy to say that it is going well! These past few weeks have really changed and challenged me I finally realized that I can't expect to change on the outside if I am not also changing on the inside. PTL! I know that the only way I will change my heart and it's character is by renewing my mind ( Romans 12:2)  I am just SO thankful for the life I am living right now! Sure the future is not all planned out but I am CONTENT. I am going to use this time to grow and learn how to trust the Lord  in everything I do. I had to let go of a friend when I realized that I was being hurt instead of helped. I am still sad that I couldn't "fix" the situation but I know it was for the best, hopefully one day I will be able to talk to him and not still feel irritated and wronged. I am praying that the next time I meet him I will be able to be cordial and kind because he really needs that. I gave it my best and that's all I could do. I hope that one day he will realize what he did was wrong and that he needs to be kind instead of critical. Just to let you know I am not and was NEVER "interested" in starting anything with him, I just worry for that girl that will one day say she loves him. (that is my secretly caring heart talking right there) ;)

Love to all!

I am changing the outlook of this blog.

So I have FINALLY realized that I have been using this blog to mainly complain. Nobody is interested in reading about a whiner. And I am certain that I will be able to improve what is in here. I really am thankful for the life I live! I just usually write about it in my journal. :) Sorry again Readers.

What I need.

So I was watching a movie ( been doing that A LOT this summer) It is called How Do You Know. Watch it if you want. I thought it was kinnda funny but it is a "chick-flick".  (So... Be warned whomever dislikes the genre!) Still, it made me think long and hard about what I want from a relationship. Hmmm a chick-flick is making me THINK?! Anyhow, I have spent this past year trying to be "smart" and keep a close eye on my heart and emotions, it's been going well for me (I guess) haven't fallen for a guy yet. Well at least I am more critical of dirt bags and selfish idiots. Still I spend alot of time telling myself why I don't need a guy in my life right now... then I see a couple holding hands and whatever and I am like DANG IT! Because I just started thinking of what it would be like to be doing that and in it goes till I realize what I am doing and start yelling at myself "STOP! NOW! This is what messed you up the first time!!!" Trying to battle loneliness and doing a pretty good job. :) Still I have those doubts but they are getting easier to deal with.

More later. XO

OK so guys are generally getting on my nerves right now (sorry any nice guys! I am not always like this I PROMISE) It just annoys me how they think they can add hearts to the end of their messages and expect us to drop everything and come begging them to take us out or just generally being annoying. Sigh.