Hello (to whomever is still reading this!)
I have gone feet first into the world of adulthood, that being: working full time (9-6, Mon-Fri, Ect.) and having bills. Plus I got my first traffic ticket *court date and all* :P With that comes not having time and scrambling to get stuff done. (ENDLESS CYCLE!) Still being single allows you to focus on work and fun on the weekends so hurrah or whatever... hehe. No I am happy really, I have learned a TON through all of this, I have "stretched" as a person and learned that in order to stand for what you want; you have to be willing to sacrifice and make the hard decisions. I have been so exhausted with the new job, dealing with the old BF *and still remaining friends* and adjusting to life as it is now.
This past summer feels like it was all a lucid dream, surreal and distant; almost disconnected in a way. I don't mean to sound like I was devoid of all feeling but I feel that I never really took it in, well at the time anyways. I am glad that I can look back now and think about the good times because back then I was too stressed and worried to let my guard down. Well I felt deep down that I wasn't what he was looking for and after the fact I found it to be true it just broke me. Plus, I was kidding myself to believe that I would one day be able to just give in to the "constitutional" way of thinking. Note to self: FOLLOW your gut feelings. I just am a people please-r (er?) and I was trying WAYYYYY too hard! I literally was trying to change myself to fit into this "image" of what I thought was expected and "leading" a purity retreat didn't help. I DO NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM REGRET HOSTING/ORGANIZING THE PURITY RETREAT. I think we did a lot and benefited from getting together and helping each other out. Good, now that that is settled. :) What I mean is that along with the word "Purity" a certain stigma is almost instantaneously assigned i.e. head coverings or floor length hair, ugly/ out of date clothes, awkwardness or the inability to interact w/ the opposite sex... ect. No, that isn't what any of us was aiming for or that we were even promoting such things (don't worry). Actually quite the opposite.
But I digress, it just snowballed EVERYTHING into being the example for what is "supposed" to happen and how relationships are how we can eventually show the world the Christ-love for the church. (Husband and wife) I just got plain sick and tired of it. I mean (YES!) guys are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church and (YES!) wives are to submit themselves to their husbands. So (before y'all bite my head off or call me a crazy liberal) ;) I just began to realize that no longer was the focus on Christ but on performance and doing things the "right" way. Again, if you do not touch your BF/GF or strive to keep purity a priority, kudos to you! I am not knocking that at all! Honest. I am just more concerned with how REGARDLESS of your relationship status you are treating all of your brothers and sisters in Christ! THAT is the real prize we should be striving for, not having the perfect courtship, or keeping a dress code, or following the "rules". Once more, not saying to go crazy or flaunt yourself. The bible is pretty clear on what is acceptable or not, so no antics or "Jazmin said...". I just noticed this and I wanted to write a bit about it. I have plenty more to add but I also have to go to bed. :P
Good night for now :)
