Hello All,
Lots of things have been going on these past few weeks but one thing that has come up over and over again is the fact that I am not in school this semester. Ha, man I don't even know if I am going to go back. At this rate and the amount of money I have saved I might as well wait till next semester (or never go back?) This has been on my mind a lot these past few days... I have also been thinking about how people react when I tell them that I might not go back. Even though they respond politely with some quip or other I can see it in their eyes "What is she THINKING!?" ( I think that myself sometimes!) But I know school isn't for me right now. I have already done too much! I know that there is NO WAY I could of accomplished all this if I wasn't off, like I said I just don't really see the value of going right now. I guess the reason that I am writing about this is well, I just don't like being judged. Plain and simple, I know of one person in particular whom I know will not agree with me and my decision. WELL, this is where the rubber meets the road buddy! I remember someone saying that I would have their support. Even my mom has made comments like "Well since you dropped out of college, insurance is going to drop you... etc." I know she doesn't mean to be rough or anything but it still makes me feel like a burden. When I was in college I felt even MORE so, my dad knew I couldn't pay all the bill's myself so he helped out. (My daddy worked his butt off to get me to go the first semester.) It's not that I am not grateful, I just can't find a reason (that satisfies me) to go. And I feel I have "Half As 'ed "enough. I know people will call me lazy or pathetic or whatever but I don't want to waste my life chasing some stupid degree and paying through the nose to get a piece of paper that basically says "Good Job. You now know how to take directions and follow them really well!". Sigh, I just need to figure what that something is. Right now I would just be happy to learn how to quilt, sew, and spin yarn well. I guess I fail at being a Feminist! HAHAHA! :D
More to follow.
You know Jazzy, I hear ya that you don't wanna tell cause you'll get judged but think of it this way... "The ones who matter, don't mind and the ones who mind, don't matter" Just keep repeating that to yourself... I got your back. %100
ReplyDeleteHay Jazmin! I TOTALLY know what you're going through. Not directly in that I'm a "drop-out"... in fact I'm worse. I've never gone to college and I'm already "SO OLD"!! Yeah, I get the quizzical looks and questions... all the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd like you said sometimes I wonder if I'm not doing the wrong thing.
BUT... I know that what I want in the end isn't some degree, but to be a wife and mother. I know that I will learn a lot more about biblical womanhood OUT of college rather then IN college.
Anyway.. whatever you decide to do, just remember that YOU are the only one who can decide what you want to do with your life (whether that be going to college or something else). God is really amazing because he can work with whatever decisions we make.
Good luck with whatever path you choose!!! (and hang in there! People love to criticize.... don't let it get to you)