It goes on

Life never plays out the way we hope it would.... I wish I could of looked ahead and realized that sometimes people make choices that change what we think of life. I could not have predicted that my heart would take me in a totally different direction than I originally thought. We run around desperately trying to convince ourselves of what we want, and yet is it REALLY what we were after?!

"Relationships are hard!" everyone tells me. With this little taste I have had I can say that is true, I wouldn't go so far as to say they are not worth it but that you better make sure you are willing to explore yourself to see how far you can go. KNOW TO BE KNOWN.

Even if you see that ending it is what is best (and it hurts but it's necessary) you can still be friends and get along... well not that everyone can do this but at least you try. Right?

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil 4:11

Today

Hello Everyone!

So I know that I have been a bit lax in writing... Hmm what has been going on. Well spring is coming along :) I hope to see birds and spot buds soon. Spring is one of the joys in life that you better take time to appreciate because it is pretty special. The vibrancy and life in everything is intoxicating! I so LOVE being able to walk around and just soak it all up.

Miscommunication... goodness. This has to be the root of most (if not all) problems! It is so funny how we are  quick to put our own connotations to e-mails, phone calls, and conversations. Not that we go about seeking to muddle up everything it's just how it seems to happen.

Going to St. Paul tomorrow to work on Purity Retreat stuff. Looking forward to visiting with the Toombs! :D

How to be

What is expected of you? What are your expectations for yourself?

What we say.

I notice words, I read them, I use them to express myself. Words; funny little things aren't they? How they can be said, given, and gifted but cannot be taken back. They can heal, they help, they give hope. And of course they can do the opposite: they tear, take, and leave tears.  Words or lyrics or what have you... words have profound effects. Emotional. Spiritual. Physical. I feel as if I should not speak, learn to just listen without right away going and giving my opinions. (I just get so excited it comes jumbling out!) Music is like this but much more liquid. I often listen to something and it gets my creative juices flowing. I don't know about anyone else but music is a big part of my life, but I digress... Words. Watch, listen, and learn them for they will surprize you.

Perquisition for a Real Man

I don't know about anyone else but the title of this post makes me laugh! Not that it's all that funny, actually it is quite serious. The search for that special person or in this case a Real Man is a grueling one! I know how easy it is to be discouraged by the people of the male persuasion that really have no idea of what they are doing of who they are so they go and just act stupid and don't know what a girl is really looking for. OK I am going to feel embarrassed but it is an example of what I am talking about, last night my family and I watched a movie called Thor. It is basically about a race of gods that live on some kind of planet which travel back and forth through space and time on rainbow bridges ( I KNOW you are probably thinking "Huh???" but bare with me) So Thor is a self entitled arrogant brat that can't wait till he becomes King. Then through a series of events and lots of details he is stripped of his powers and is banished to Earth. Cue cute but nerdy scientist lady Jane Forster. She is on one of her regular trips out to look at the skies at night and BAM Thor makes a crash landing (literally) she is freaked out and takes him to the hospital (Talk about first impressions!). Fast-forward to when he is released into to Jane's care. She teaches him how to interact with people and basic manners. Then her father figure sees that Jane is getting attached to Thor and asks him to leave, Thor agrees (without being a jerk about it!!!!!) but then "Mr. Dad" ends up getting drunk and Thor has to take him home. (More like carrying a sack of potatoes! This guy is CUT) So he ends up staying and he stops being self absorbed and *finally!* starts thinking about others and of course he starts to fall in love with the lovely Jane. BUT then problems arise! And though a LOT more details and events Thor has to go back to his planet. He gives Jane a kiss in the hand and just stares into her eyes (Jane was not satisfied with that!) She pulls him in for a full on kiss then he just smiles and says "I will come back for you. I promise." OK so my POINT here was to show that most men are selfish arrogant and immature BUT they have the ability to change once that special girl in their lives (even if your just his good friend or sister) ask them to change. I can say I have done my share of complaining and griping, but you, that's right Y-O-U have the opportunity and privilege to encourage the men in your life! And of any of you who already know a guy that is already like this *count yourself lucky* and LET THEM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE IT. Do you think it is easy for them to be that way?! In a culture that is CONSTANTLY telling them to have the "Imma Do Me" attitude among other things they have to work at it: All. The. Time. So just give them a word of encouragement every so often to let them know "Hey, Keep up the good work!" :)

Different Opinions

Hello All, 
Lots of things have been going on these past few weeks but one thing that has come up over and over again is the fact that I am not in school this semester. Ha, man I don't even know if I am going to go back. At this rate and the amount of money I have saved I might as well wait till next semester (or never go back?) This has been on my mind a lot these past few days... I have also been thinking about how people react when I tell them that I might not go back. Even though they respond politely with some quip or other I can see it in their eyes "What is she THINKING!?" ( I think that myself sometimes!) But I know school isn't for me right now. I have already done too much! I know that there is NO WAY I could of accomplished all this if I wasn't off, like I said I just don't really see the value of going right now. I guess the reason that I am writing about this is well, I just don't like being judged. Plain and simple, I know of one person in particular whom I know will not agree with me and my decision. WELL, this is where the rubber meets the road buddy! I remember someone saying that I would have their support. Even my mom has made comments like "Well since you dropped out of college, insurance is going to drop you... etc." I know she doesn't mean to be rough or anything but it still makes me feel like a burden. When I was in college I felt even MORE so, my dad knew I couldn't pay all the bill's myself so he helped out. (My daddy worked his butt off to get me to go the first semester.) It's not that I am not grateful, I just can't find a reason (that satisfies me) to go. And I feel I have "Half As 'ed "enough. I know people will call me lazy or pathetic or whatever but I don't want to waste my life chasing some stupid degree and paying through the nose to get a piece of paper that basically says "Good Job. You now know how to take directions and follow them really well!".  Sigh, I just need to figure what that something is. Right now I would just be happy to learn how to quilt, sew, and spin yarn well. I guess I fail at being a Feminist! HAHAHA! :D

More to follow.

Growing up.

 I have been looking at my old post and it's been interesting to see the ways I have been growing and maturing (Shocking I KNOW!) well I am still quite silly and all that but I think I will keep learning until the day I die. Anyone who thinks the have "arrived" have a ways to go. I try to understand what I want to gain from my day to day experience, and remembering how what I do every day will affect others whether it be good or bad. (thanks Karen for showing us that!)  :D It is great when believers can come together and pursue the same goal, I for one am encouraged and thankful that I have like minded sisters and brothers that help me stay "on track" I really don't know where I would be without them! So many decisions that I have made and continue to make is because they are there to support and understand what I am going through. 

 This past week end has been so edifying! I have learned so much. First,we went to a Purity Conference held by Sarah Mally. We got there a few hours before it was supposed to start. My sisters were not really thrilled at the prospect of going *skirts (long ones at that), purity speeches, and working on home-work that was left over from the past week didn't seem like a awesome way to spend the weekend* :P But the said aftrewards they were happy they came! Still, I think visits with the local saints helped break up the "monotony". It was great getting to spend time and talk about what has been going on in one another's lives since we last spent time together and it struck me how easy it was to just kinnda "pick up where we left off" and how truly comfotable it was sitting around and talking about our childhood memories and mishaps! :P  I guess you can say I am going through "fellowship withdrawals" *Sigh* I just wish that we would all live closer and be able to see one another more often.