The ways of the heart

"I need a graceful, proud way to let go
To smile and accept the things that you don't know
The losses and the gains blurred
The weight of these as last words"
-Dawes

So these past few weeks have been somewhat trying. Ok, they've been downright AWFUL. I have been trying to be a gracious and open but I must say that I have been having a hard time of it. I cannot go against my conscience or my soul. Maybe I was the one at fault for going forward when I had doubts. Naturally I assumed they would dissipate or at least I would be able "handle" them. I am not condemning anyone, in fact I feel as if I am releasing him to live his life as he sees fit. I have never been one to force my views at anyone especially people that are close to me. I give them my view then allow them to make their own decisions. Choose what you want. I will surely abide by mine, even if that means waking away. What hurts the most is that you couldn't even give your HONEST opinion about me. Friends do that for one another... Perhaps it was you trying to "protect" me or hoped that eventually I would change but to speak truth: I like myself just the way I AM. Do not think that I say that just to cause a stir, heh if anything I try to keep the boat from rocking, as it were. (Just had a crazy mental picture of me fighting tooth and nail to avoid so much as a ripple! Crazier still is that once it starts it comes back on over itself until it cannot help but effect everything inside of it ) Throughout this I have felt as if I had all these expectations hanging over me. That may not be the case it may just be paranoia or nerves or whatever. I cannot help but notice that I am so much less of a mess... then again that is life. It helps you undertake the great task of reworking yourself and as with any trial getting back God and to the Word. (really what matters) Love to all! And goodnight/mornin ;)